New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises
New England Patriots
The Dark Knight Rises
- Initial Excitement?“YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)“WOOOOO!”
- Vague Sense of Worry?"Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?""Why...is Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"
- Leading man?Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.
- Growing Sense of Worry?Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.
- Features Hines Ward?No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.With gusto!
- Unsettling Level of Violence?Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.
- Secret SupervillainBernard Pollard.That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.
- Wise Mentor?[Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.Michael Caine!
- Most Illogical Move?Cutting Wes Welker!Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.
- Secretly Lousy?It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.Yeah.
RESULTS
The Dark Knight Rises
With a score of 6 out of 10, The Dark Knight Rises takes it! But don’t put too much stock into this. Both are probably overrated.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor
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