New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

Over the past several years, Christopher Nolan’s seminal Batman movies have not only been examples of great superhero movies, but arguably great cinema as well. It’s no wonder, then, that 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises was met with extraordinary expectations. Similarly, the 2013 Patriots entered the season highly regarded – as they do every year that both T-Brads and Bill Belichick are on staff. So which of these highly anticipated juggernauts delivered?

New England Patriots

The Dark Knight Rises

“YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)	Initial Excitement?	“WOOOOO!”
"Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?"	Vague Sense of Worry?	"Why...is Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"
Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.	Leading man?	Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.
Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.	Growing Sense of Worry?	Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.
No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.	Features Hines Ward?	With gusto!
Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.	Unsettling Level of Violence?	That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.
Bernard Pollard.	Secret Supervillain	That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.
[Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.	Wise Mentor?	Michael Caine!
Cutting Wes Welker!	Most Illogical Move?	Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.
It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.	Secretly Lousy?	Yeah.

“YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)

Initial Excitement?

“WOOOOO!”

"Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?"

Vague Sense of Worry?

"Why...is Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"

Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.

Leading man?

Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.

Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.

Growing Sense of Worry?

Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.

No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.

Features Hines Ward?

With gusto!

Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.

Unsettling Level of Violence?

That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.

Bernard Pollard.

Secret Supervillain

That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.

[Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.

Wise Mentor?

Michael Caine!

Cutting Wes Welker!

Most Illogical Move?

Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.

It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.

Secretly Lousy?

Yeah.

The winner is

The Dark Knight Rises

6 out of 10

With a score of 6 out of 10, The Dark Knight Rises takes it! But don’t put too much stock into this. Both are probably overrated.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

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