New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises
New England Patriots
The Dark Knight Rises
Initial Excitement?
“YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)
Winner
“WOOOOO!”
Vague Sense of Worry?
"Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?"
Winner
"Why...is Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"
Leading man?
Winner
Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.
Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.
Growing Sense of Worry?
Winner
Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.
Winner
Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.
Features Hines Ward?
No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.
Winner
With gusto!
Unsettling Level of Violence?
Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.
Winner
That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.
Secret Supervillain
Winner
Bernard Pollard.
That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.
Wise Mentor?
[Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.
Winner
Michael Caine!
Most Illogical Move?
Winner
Cutting Wes Welker!
Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.
Secretly Lousy?
Winner
It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.
Yeah.
The Winner Is
Winner
The Dark Knight Rises
6 out of 10
With a score of 6 out of 10, The Dark Knight Rises takes it! But don’t put too much stock into this. Both are probably overrated.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor
